091514

 -- galactoidArrival [GA] began pestering arcaneArtisan [AA] at 22:35 --

[10:37] GA: Doir shuffles into the library, hoping Sami is in there right now.

 [10:37] GA: "sami? you in here?"

 [10:37] AA: Sami's in her usual "study spot." Oddly she's not actually studying this time, though. She's leaning back, as though daydreaming.

 [10:38] AA: She's frowning, but she looks less sad than she just looks troubled.

 [10:38] GA: Doir sits across from her. "ryspor taught me the error of my ways and all of those problems i had are fixed, probably."

 [10:38] AA: Sami blinks and looks at him with a disbelieving expression.

 [10:39] GA: "yeah i told him you wouldnt believe me but he said i had to tell you myself so idk here i am"

 [10:39] GA: "sorry for being a douche and shit"

 [10:39] AA: She sighs. "It's not that I don't believe you, Doir. It's just that you've had epiphanies like this before."

 [10:39] AA: "I don't think that you're lying or anything. I just....I don't want to get my hopes up until we've had time to see if it actually sticks this time."

 [10:40] AA: "But thank you for coming to tell me in person. That shows character."

 [10:40] GA: "yeah, but i got to the root of the problem this time. well, ryspor got to the root of the problem, and slapped me in the face with those roots."

 [10:41] GA: "and youre welcome."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:41] GA: "it should probably stick and if not idk lets try ritalin"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:41] AA: Sami chuckles a little too hard, as though she had had this thought before herself.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:41] AA: She straightens her face when she realizes she's doing it.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:42] GA: "um. okay... yes, my joke was funny?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:42] GA: "man i really shoulda levelled up empathy"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:43] AA: "Empathy hurts sometimes." She sounds a million miles away when she says it. "Sometimes doing the right thing hurts people."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:43] AA: "And you have to live with knowing that you hurt them, even if part of you knows it will be good for them in the long run."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:44] GA: "yes, i agree with that wise thing you said right now."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:44] AA: She sighs and hangs her head. "I don't know if it's wise at all. I don't feel wise. But I guess I'm coming to terms with what I am. And what I'm going to have to be from now on."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:45] GA: "wise as hell!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:46] GA: "thats what you are. that. thing i just yelled. um."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:47] GA: "i had sex with nate?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:47] AA: "Uh....wow."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:47] GA: "god, being sane is so awkward."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:47] AA: "And....how do you feel about it?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:48] GA: "horny- um, happy."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:48] GA: "thats. yeah. wow. im sorry."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:48] AA: "Well that's good then."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:49] GA: "your... face is good."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:49] AA: "Was he like....caring? And gentle? It's sort of hard to imagine him like that."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:49] GA: "sami that line of questioning is a bit personal"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:50] GA: "im not telling you about how sex with him was. goddamn."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:50] AA: "Sorry. I was trying to be supportive. I'm not really sure what you're supposed to say to someone who tells you she had sex."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:50] GA: "i might have had sex with jack too, but other than that, i dont really have a point of reference to rate him with here."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:50] GA: "so, we're gonna have to wait till i get around the block for me to give you an adequate review."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:51] AA: "I wasn't asking if he was GOOD." She rolls her eyes. "I was asking if he was, y'know....there for you. Emotionally."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:52] AA: "It's an intense moment! It's important to be with someone who cares about you and supports you!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:52] GA: "oh. i think so. yeah i dont really have a point of reference for that either, since my last two partners dumped me five minutes after i started dating them."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:52] AA: "That must've been so tough on you."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:53] GA: "well i mean i kinda dodged a bullet with seriad's dumping so i think it evens out"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:53] AA: "Sex makes it all even more intense though, y'know? Things get so....well, I guess you know."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:54] GA: "wow. um."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:55] GA: "...whats it like fucking a ghost?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:55] AA: Sami turns red.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:55] AA: "W....what makes you think I would know the answer to that question?!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:56] GA: Doir starts flushing a bit red too. "well i mean, i um, it sounded like you knew from experience, so i just assumed, and um."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:56] GA: "there werent really a lot of chances to have sex in the middle of our crazy session adventures but plenty to do it on this ark? so."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:58] AA: She's still completely red. "Maybe I've just....uh....read about it?!" She looks pitiful, like she's floundering in the ocean and looking for a life raft.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:58] GA: "libby has porn in this library?! aw hell yeah! where?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:58] GA: "i mean, wait, you havent done it with beau yet?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:59] AA: Finally, in a quiet voice, she says "Look, it's just....I'm not used to talking about my sex life with people. Or having anything to talk about for that matter."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [10:59] GA: "uh, me neither, i just got a sex life today. we should talk about other things."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:00] GA: "(youve totally fucked beau though, right? are you still a virgin? omg lmao.)"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:01] GA: "oh shit, im not on birth control! whAT IF I'M TEEN PREGNANT?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:02] AA: "Jesus Doir! After what happened with Seriad?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:02] AA: "We talked about this, years ago!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:14px;color:rgb(0,0,0);">[11:03] <span style="font-size:14px;color:rgb(0,150,0);">GA: "sami, you cant expect me to remember a conversation we had years ago."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:14px;color:rgb(0,0,0);">[11:04] <span style="font-size:14px;color:rgb(0,150,0);">GA: "yknow, actually, de-transforming is probably birth control in and of itself. so no need for alarm."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:04] GA: "i remember ryspor mentioned he found a way to make male henshin pens. so if you ever need birth control, just ask him."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:04] AA: "Just....keep track of your cycle."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:05] AA: "And talk to Kate or Seriad, if it's not regular."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:05] GA: "what is this health class christ"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:05] GA: "i dont even- do i have a cycle if im male half the time?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:06] GA: "this. this conversation is in weird, weird territory."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:06] AA: "Yeah, well, you're the one who started making it Girl Talk."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:07] GA: "jeez, remind me never to brag about sex ever again."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:07] AA: "It's not something to BRAG about anyway! It's a special moment you share with someone who's important to you!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:08] GA: "see exactly remind me not to do it again"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:08] GA: "good job"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:08] GA: "a plus"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:08] GA: "mm, thinking about people i havent bragged to yet, i should probably apologize to beau. i was totally trolling the shit out of him the other day."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:09] GA: "not like. making him cry. just acting really insane to mess with his head. was pretty fun."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:09] GA: "im uh, im totally past that stuff now though. never again. doir wont be fallin off the wagon this time."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:09] AA: "Then yeah, you probably should apologize. As long as you really mean your apology. Don't say it if you don't mean it."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:10] GA: "i mean it, i think. probably."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:10] GA: "emotions are hard, i really shouldve invested some points in empathy."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:10] AA: "Next milestone, maybe."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:11] GA: "i need to get another +1 up anyway."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:11] GA: "think i wrote out a levelling plan, actually." Doir pulls out a piece of paper. "oh, okay yeah, here. empathy up, so then i can get another +1 up, and then a +2 up to +3... in like three milestones i could have +3 empathy lmao."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:12] GA: "though to be quite honest notice would be a way better choice."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:12] AA: "Yeah. It can move quick if your pyramid's in the right order. I got Lore up to +3 recently."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:13] GA: "oh, good job. welcome to the high lore club."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:13] GA: "i couldve moved lore to +4, just to spite you, but i moved computers instead."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:13] GA: "im so good at computers. id be a great IT guy."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:13] AA: "You haven't studied ONCE since you got on the ark!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:14] GA: "what? yes i have."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:14] GA: "i just dont study in the library."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:14] AA: "If this is the setup to a 'sex ed' joke, Doir, I swear to God..."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:15] GA: "no, shut up. i *have* been studying, reading mind books and crap like that, just in my room. 'cause i like being alone when i read."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:15] GA: "if i studied in here id be too tempted to just talk to you the whole time and nothing would get done for either of us."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:16] AA: "Hasn't been a problem for me. Beau hangs out with me here all the time. And Meouet would come do Flashcards with me when we were studying Twink."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:17] GA: "heheh, you shouldve had beau do the flashcards."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:17] GA: "cause. cause hes. hes light."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:19] AA: "We did flashcards from time to time. But he wasn't studying twink."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:19] GA: "no because. did you, the pun i was making there."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:19] GA: "because- because flash. light. hahah."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:20] AA: "No, I got it."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:21] GA: "whoa. okay. time out here. i need a time out. the awkwardness in this conversation is just overloading my emotional capacity. how do sane people even deal."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:22] AA: Sami deadpans "If you find one you can ask them."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:23] GA: "okay, fine, how do people who act vaguelly socially acceptable deal."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:24] GA: "i guess dealing isnt really socially acceptable though. drugs are bad."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:25] GA: "do you get it because dEAL."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:27] AA: "Yes. It's very funny." Her voice is completely flat.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:28] GA: Doir glances at the exit doorway and it almost looks like he's just considering running away before he says something stupider.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:29] AA: Sami chuckles. "It's okay Doir. I'm just distracted right now. Lot on my mind."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:29] GA: "no, im sorry. those jokes were *terrible*."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:31] GA: "im afraid im just not dad material, i dont even think i know a single dad joke."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:32] GA: "i didnt even have a- shit, i forgot to look for my mom for three years. whoops. oh well, hope im a better parent than i am a child."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:34] AA: Sami's eyes start to water a little bit at Doir's words.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:34] AA: "Yeah. You'll be great, Doir."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:34] AA: She sniffs a little.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:35] GA: "i know, thinking about how awesome of a dad i will be makes me want to cry with proud joy, too."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:35] GA: "is crying normal for you um"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:35] GA: "are you ironically crying"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:36] AA: "No, no. I'm not crying." She wipes her eyes a little. "It's all this library dust, y'know?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:37] GA: "yeah, library dust... sure is... there is a lot here, definitely. um."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:38] AA: "Just....remember, Doir. Being a dad is about more than just sharing blood with a kid."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:38] AA: "The most important thing is being there for them."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:39] AA: "And being someone they can trust and rely on."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:40] GA: "yeah, thats a thing that dads are. im gonna be there for her all the time, and uh, im gonna... give her... money for college, and make sure her boyfriends arent trash, and, like, i dunno, console her when she inevitably has a breakdown like we all have, uh, that kinda dad stuff."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:40] AA: "As long as you can do that....it wouldn't even matter whose blood it was going through their veins." She sniffs again, but here eyes aren't watery anymore. "A lot of these kids aren't going to have surviving parents, y'know? We've got to pick up the slack for our fallen comrades."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:40] AA: "Her? Don't you have two kids?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:40] GA: "yeah, one with null. ew."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:40] AA: "Hey! Null was great!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:41] GA: "nah man fuck null she was a dick"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:41] GA: "remember that time she fucking tentaroped me?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:42] AA: "You....you do remember that when we first noticed she was missing it was because I was trying to find her to tell her I wanted to try being her Moirail, right?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:43] AA: "I mean....I get that you two didn't get along, but c'mon. She and I were close."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:43] GA: "sami, again, that was years ago. and ive like, repressed every moment i spent around her."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:44] GA: "especially the tentarope part." Doir shivers.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:44] GA: "very repressed."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:51] AA: Sami rubs the back of her neck, looking uncomfortable. "Null had a lot of problems. But that's because a lot of bad things had her all twisted up inside. She had a good heart underneath it all."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:55] AA: Sami sighs. "Or maybe she was too broken to fix. I don't know. But I think she deserved to at least have someone TRY."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:55] AA: "I wonder what happened to her....I considered asking Jack, but I think I'm too afraid of what the answer will be."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:55] AA: "If I never find out, I can still pretend that maybe she's still alive out there somewhere."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:56] GA: "uh, i think he said he cu...ouldnt tell us what happened. thats it."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:57] GA: "so maybe she did get away."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [11:57] GA: "im sure she did have some good in her, though. never said she was an irredeemable mess. she just wasnt very nice to me. maybe our kid will be nice though."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:00] AA: "Yeah. And like I said, don't limit yourself to just the kids you're the genetic father of. You can still be someone's dad even if you're not related to them by blood."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:01] GA: "uh, i dont think people would be okay with that."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:01] GA: "hello, yes, i am some guy, here to become your new dad."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:01] AA: "Like Beau's kid with Tlaloc isn't going to have a dad....or I guess more like not have a mom? Anyway, I intend to fill-in."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:03] AA: "I mean....I guess the kid's not going to have either, in a way. But I can at least bring them to meet their mom-dad. And be their....I don't know, step-mom or something."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:03] GA: "we're going to be the same age though"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:04] GA: "im not just gonna step in as peoples dads if they dont want me to"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:04] GA: "and most people dont even like me. only my bloodkids are gonna wanna have me as their dad."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:04] AA: Sami looks uncomfortable.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:05] GA: "maybe i could adopt, like, kikates and vejants. since mind and page. i was pretty tight with vejant and jossik, but one of jossiks is ryspors anyway."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:05] GA: "i guess i could be like an uncle to all of ryspors kids, since ryspor and i are basically like brothers pretty much."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:05] AA: "Maybe we should all just think of ALL of the brats as our responsibilities."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:06] GA: "im excited to meet the ones that were birthed from my loins, though."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:06] GA: "um. not literally."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:06] AA: Sami looks uncomfortable again.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:06] GA: "whyre you looking like that"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:06] AA: "Huh? Looking like what?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:07] GA: "like someone just said something stinky. or farted."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:07] GA: "did i fart? sorry."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:07] GA: "wait, i totally didnt fart, i would remember that."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:07] AA: "Oh, uh....just....it's gross being reminded your friends have loins."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:08] GA: "oh, yeah, i totally think that sometimes and i just get so weirded out."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:08] GA: "now cut the shit and tell me why you keep getting weird when i bring up my kids."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:09] AA: "Wow, you're totally misreading the situation. I have no idea what you're talking about. You really DO need to up your Empathy skill."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:10] GA: "what, do you think im stupid? wait, dont answer that. 'library dust'? seriously?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:10] AA: "It's a serious problem! Do you know how bad my sinuses are?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:10] AA: "From hanging out here all the time?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:10] GA: "youre a witch of breath!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:10] GA: "just move the fucking dust with your wind!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:10] AA: "Yeah. It's THAT bad."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:11] GA: Doir crosses his arms.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:11] GA: "are my kids straight. its okay, sami, im an accepting parent."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:11] AA: "Doir. Do you trust me?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:11] GA: "i have trust issues, but sure, whatever."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:12] AA: "Then drop it."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:12] GA: "okay lets just check off yet another thing youre not telling everyone"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:13] GA: "not knowing what the hell is going on is getting real old fast but yknow ill keep trucking on let it slide once again because goddamnit im used to it by now"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:13] AA: "Yeah. I'm sorry, Doir. That's just how things are with me now. Sometimes I can't tell people things I know. I don't like keeping secrets anymore than you like having secrets kept from you."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:14] AA: "But when you deal with the sorts of things I deal with, sometimes you don't get to choose."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:14] GA: "man id just like to get to lord *one* damn secret over the rest of you

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:14] GA: "

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:14] GA: "it wouldnt have to be anything big. like. oh man. guess who has herpes. hahah. its maenam. or something. but seriously."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:15] AA: "Well you're the only one who knows Beau and I have slept together. Other than Beau."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:15] AA: "So let that be the secret you know."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:15] GA: "hah! so you have done it!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:15] GA: "also, im pretty sure everyone knows anyway. its really obvious."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:15] AA: "...I had assumed that was clear from the conversation earlier."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:16] AA: Sami's cheeks color again. "How is it obvious?!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:16] GA: "youve been in a relationship for like, how long?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:16] AA: "Three years now."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:17] GA: "yeah, three years. thats long enough to have sex with even the shyest and or violent of people."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:17] GA: "i know you and beau have the whole cute shy thing going on but everyone knows action happens eventually"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:17] AA: "More, if you count my time with Her. But I don't know that I do or not still."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:18] AA: "We're only sixteen, Doir! It's not like we're grown ups in a relationship for three years or something."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:18] GA: "im seventeen, hah."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:18] AA: "If we were we would probably already be thinking about getting married..."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:18] GA: "wait. i think i am. did we pass valentines day yet?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:19] GA: "eh, whatever, ill math it up when we get to the new session."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:19] GA: "omg"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:19] GA: "sami"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:19] GA: "we should go on a"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:19] GA: "DOUBLE"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:19] GA: "DATE"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:20] AA: "...Doir. You're dating Nate."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:20] AA: "I don't even know how you get him to go on REGULAR dates. But I know for a fact he doesn't like me much."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:20] GA: "pff hes just tsundere"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:20] GA: "he thinks *you* dont like him much"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:22] AA: "I tried to reach out to him SO MANY TIMES, Doir."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:22] AA: "And he just kept pulling further and further away from me."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:22] GA: "you were going about it in a conventional manner though"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:23] GA: "you see sami, sometimes, you just have to go a little crazy, and everything you do will turn to scrib jelly."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:24] AA: "Fuck, you know that after I first got these THINGS in my head, I gave him permission to kill me to save the others? I think I showed him about as much trust and friendship as it was possible to show someone."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:25] GA: "well, sami, its like you said about null!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:25] GA: "except the things are reversed."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:26] AA: Sami sighs. "I know. But I *have* tried to fix him, Doir. I've tried reaching out, I've tried talking it out, I've tried giving him space....I don't think he wants to be fixed."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:26] GA: "nobody likes getting fixed, sami. i hear from my dog friends that its a very traumatic experience."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:27] AA: "You seem to have something with him. I'm happy you do. But I don't know if he and I are ever really going to be on good terms if we stay who we are."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:28] GA: "well, i've at least coaxed him to stay with the rest of us. well, not really on purpose, that was actually just me and him deciding to stay with the group. rather than ditching you all. like i was kind of on his side there. but i promise now im back doing the good things."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:29] GA: "i am a very complicated person and you should appreciate my continued accidental do-gooding loyalty even when im not technically being loyal"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:29] AA: "If he doesn't want to be with the rest of us, I don't see any reason to make him stay. Kate ran off for two fucking years without saying one word to her supposed friends....TEN fucking years from her perspective."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:29] AA: Sami's voice sounds irritated.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:29] AA: Her lips are pursed in anger.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:29] GA: "oh, man, i was on ryspors case about that shit, and he got all pissy. i was like, 'dude! she left us for two fuckin years without a word!' and he was all, 'oh dont you be talkin shit bout my moirail!'"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:30] GA: "and then i was all, 'oh, im sorry, i thought humans couldnt BE MOIRAILS. BITCH.' and he was all 'WHAAAAAAA' and then it was all yelling and screaming and crying from then on"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:31] AA: "I just thought we were closer than that. I thought she would've said something to at least one of us....or at LEAST thought 'hey, I haven't talked to my friend Sami in a while! I'd sure like to just say hi!'"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:31] AA: "But no. Apparently she's perfectly fine growing up without the rest of us being part of her life at all."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:31] GA: "she left cause of something with meouet, is what ryspor said. and she kept in contact with *him*, but not the rest of us."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:31] GA: "yeah she probably doesnt even remember our names"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:31] GA: "or, like, our last names, at least."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:32] AA: "It's like some sort of high school fucking reuinion, except she's the only one who graduated."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:33] GA: "forget reuinions, its like some high school fucking drama. she left until she was twenty five because meouet wouldnt fuck her or something!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:34] AA: Sami sighs, looking concerned. "Look, relationship stuff hurts. God, I know how bad it can hurt. But, y'know, I thought helping each other through that sort of shit was what friends were FOR."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:35] AA: "I spent three months mourning Beau after she died. And you guys gave me space, but you kept checking on me and stuff. You helped me through it even though I know I wasn't making it easy on you."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:35] GA: "well, we were all sad too, but also you're always there for us. kate aint there. kates a dick."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:35] AA: "I just thought....I don't know. I thought she trusted us enough to want us to do that for her."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:35] AA: "Or liked us enough to think we COULD help her."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:36] AA: "I feel like our whole team's falling apart. That's part of why I've been so 'pissy' lately. It's not just this business with you."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:36] GA: "kate left the team like halfway through anyway though."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:37] AA: "I didn't mean Slammajamm."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:37] GA: "oh"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:38] GA: "well, rilsets a dick, maenams... maenam, meouets isolated, kates a dick and isolated, nates only got me as an in to the group..."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:38] GA: "you, me, ryspor, and beau are the core team, though."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:39] GA: "we keep everyone together, together."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:39] AA: "Beau's a ghost, you're insane, Ryspor's distracted by his Libby stuff, Seriad's got her self-esteem issues, and I'm..." Sami sighs. "...I don't know if you should think of me as the reliable pillar you're thinking of me as, Doir."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:40] GA: "pfft, i dont think youre a reliable pillar. youre keeping secrets, covered in shit and bound to have a breakdown, and on top of that you're like the only responsible person around here who cares that everything is falling apart."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:41] AA: Sami gives a wry chuckle. "You think of *me* as one of the responsible ones?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:41] GA: "beaus probably more responsible, but yeah."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:41] GA: "the scale goes doir ryspor sami beau. youre in the top five."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:41] AA: "Unfortunately, for the time being at least Beau's stuck as Mission Control."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:42] AA: "...Doir, that list doesn't make sense at all. For starters, Meouet's the most responsible of any of us."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:42] GA: "yeah but shes isolated herself from the rest of us because she hates us so much and we're so stupid."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:43] GA: "and im not insane, im nonsensically minded."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:43] AA: Sami sighs. "I don't think she HATES us. I think she just gets frustrated because we're shooting ourselves in the foot so much."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:44] GA: "maybe she should realize that we're shooting our feet cause our feet have turned into monsters and we need to shoot them or we'll completely die rather than having shot feet."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:44] AA: "And I think she feels like we don't respect her, since no one ever takes her advice. Not that she's always very clear about what her advice *is*..."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:44] GA: "ive never gotten advice from her, but ive definitely gotten chastized by her."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:44] AA: Sami laughs and shakes her head. "I totally TRIED to take her advice on LOGAT, I just understood it to mean the exact opposite of what it actually meant."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:45] GA: "also, i dont respect anybody. its not my fault she's included in everybody."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:45] GA: "maybe she shoulda been fuckin clearer then."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:45] GA: "or you should have googled cocytus rather than going through a dusty old library. what were you expecting good to happen speaking to a wailing fucking river, anyway?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:46] AA: "...who told you I was talking to Cocytus?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:46] GA: "seriously. wailing river. greek mythology. its in the UNDERWORLD, for christs sake."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:46] GA: "you said you were going to speak to cocytus?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:46] AA: "Did I?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:46] GA: "yeah, right before you went. and then you never told me shit about it again."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:47] AA: "Ughh. That was like a year ago. And the stuff that happened afterward was so crazy I barely remember what the leadup was.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:47] GA: "ill lead... you... up. wink."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:47] AA: Sami rolls her eyes.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:50] GA: "so... are we back to friends now? this felt like a pretty friendly conversation."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:51] AA: "I don't know. I guess? But I mean....don't take that to mean more than it does. I thought I was friends with Scarlet, too. And then she used me to get Ryspor killed."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:52] GA: "okay, first of all, you should have learned from past experiences that scarlet- and twinks in general!- are not to be fucking trusted. second of all, im not a dick like her."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:53] GA: "or nearly as capable of doing things."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:53] AA: Sami sighs. "You would think I WOULD learn. But apparently I haven't."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:54] GA: "just step back and speak about it objectively."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:54] GA: "'is re-befriending this crazy alien bitch who has shown exreme mental instability a good idea yay or nay'"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:54] AA: "And what about Libby?" Sami's voice is weak.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:55] GA: "i wouldnt trust her with a ten foot pole."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:55] GA: "i dont trust any twinks since jack."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:55] GA: "the people i trust? that would never do anything bad against me? you, ryspor, beau, maybe nate."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:56] GA: "and im not dead yet. so thats something."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:57] AA: "I don't think that's how that metaphor works." She exhales. "Anyway, I think I've decided to trust Libby. And every memory I have of being betrayed over these past four years is screaming at me for it. But....I don't know. I'm going to anyway."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:57] GA: "thats really stupid and you shouldnt do it."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:57] AA: "Agreed on both points."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:58] GA: "look, i say nice shit to scarlet and libby, i be courteous and shit, but internally? no fucking way, dude. no trust there."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [12:59] GA: "itd be wise to follow suit. hell, if i were you, i wouldnt trust me. if i were me i wouldnt trust anyone! i dont trust anyone. trust is bad."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:00] GA: "and if youre going to trust people, at least trust people who are stupid enough to like you."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:00] GA: "er, that was a self deprecating comment towards myself, not an insult to you, sorry."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:00] AA: "I've made up my mind Doir. I don't expect you to agree with me, because I don't even agree with me. But I thought you should know."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:01] GA: "well, ill keep it in mind."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:02] AA: "You know Scarlet once told me that Libby was just like me when she started playing the game? I don't know if I believe anything Scarlet says anymore just because she said it....but lately I'm starting to wonder if it's true."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:03] GA: "dude, no. twinks are fuckin dicks. she could never be like you."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:03] GA: "anyway, shes red. youre blue!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:03] AA: "And you don't think I've been a bit of a dick lately?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:03] AA: "And getting worse?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:04] GA: "but youre not *like* her. sure, you grew a backbone, but that doesnt mean shit."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:05] AA: "Okay. So I grew a backbone. Now imagine I had the ability to see the future. Or to see multiple futures. To know the things that are going to get my friends killed for a fact. And imagine I've been doing this for zillions of years, one session after another."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:06] AA: "Imagine that I was being manipulated by the horrorterrors and by countless players over eons and eons."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:06] GA: "yeah, but... youll... that wont ever happen to you. ever."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:06] AA: "And watching as more and more of the players I tried to shepherd to victory turned into horrorterrors and went mad with pain and agony."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:06] AA: "What kind of person do you think I would be after all that time?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:07] GA: Doir sighs. "someone like the oracle."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:07] AA: "Yeah."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:07] AA: "I'm not asking you to trust her, Doir. But I think I kind of have to."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:08] GA: "man"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:08] GA: "what the fuck"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:09] AA: "Maybe now you get some idea of why I've been such a downer lately."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:09] GA: "this is too dark for me to contemplate im out"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:09] GA: Doir gets up and pushes in his chair. "im gonna go eat so much food. omfg."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:09] AA: "All right, have fun."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:09] AA: "And Doir?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:10] GA: "yeah?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:10] AA: "As your friend, it really worries me that you're sleeping with Nate when you said you weren't even sure you can trust him."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:10] AA: "Be careful."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:10] GA: "sami, i cant trust anyone. im not just gonna sleep with noone."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:11] GA: "and, sami? er, you used that line, but, you're not gonna get enslaved like the oracle. we're gonna get you to the winning place before that."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:11] AA: You said you trust me, Ryspor and Beau without qualifiers. Although I agree, you can't sleep with any of us.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:12] AA: Except maybe Ryspor Prime? If he doesn't fill Libby's Primer.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:12] GA: "what?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:12] AA: "I don't know."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:12] GA: "yeah and i still havent been fuckin told what a primer is"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:14] GA: "uh, i didnt ask for an explanation, i actually dont give a shit about twink crap. see ya later, dude."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [01:16] AA: "Okay, bye Doir."