Tlaloc Zapote

You are an avid player of the TROLL LEGEND OF ZELDA, your only guilty pleasure from the outside world, as outside culture is frowned upon. In particular THE WIND WAKER fascinates and enthralls you, especially because it pays it's dues to your superior culture by stealing it's artstyle from it. Look at dem swirlies! You are exactly 6.92 sweeps old. You know this because you methodically chart the celestial bodies every night, for hours on end, and you use their positions to calculate time perfectly. You're a killer at parties. Your Chumhandle is greatTenochtitlan, and, since you spoke Nahuatl for most of your childhood as your first language, you lixp your S's a litl, xame with your "tle"s
 * Your name is TLALOC ZAPOTE, and you are descended from a long line of Aztec kings. Despite your rather LOW BLOOD COLOR, you had the good fortune of hailing from a land with only red-bloods and brown-bloods, Troll Mexico. Thus, you are royalty by default, until you step your bum ass outside the borders. You never step your bum ass outside the borders. You love SPICY FOODS, especially ones made with CHILI PEPPERS. One could even call you a CHILI HEAD. You enjoy ASTRONOMY, which your ancient forefathers used to mark time and make calendars. ASTRONOMY is not ASTROLOGY, which is made up pixie bullshit. Horoscopes aren't real, and you get PRETTY MAD when people mix them up. You are also a master at your culture's RITUAL BALL GAMES, and you have to be, because the losers of these games are CULLED as TROLL SACRIFICES to the gods. You grow many coca trees near your pyramidal respiteblock, and you copiously enjoy BOTH of it's extracts, both chocolate and COKE. We're not talking about the soda, either.