032315samisami

[04:57] AA: Are you the "ghost" the kids encountered on Derse?

 [04:58] AA: ...and were you the one who killed Ryspor last night?

 [04:59] BB: Why do you ask questions to which we already know the answer?

 [04:59] AA: I suspect the answer. I don't know for certain.

 [04:59] AA: But I guess that answer right there pretty much confirms it.

 [04:59] AA: You really are me, then. How are you me?

 [05:00] BB: How are the chiling fingers of death the same as the summer breeze?

 [05:01] AA: I don't know.

 [05:02] BB: You will.

 [05:02] AA: Cocytus mentioned the possibility that you're me, from the future. I'm guessing she's right.

 [05:02] BB: Or wrong. Cocytus view of time has never been reliable. You should know that by now.

 [05:03] AA: He hasn't talked to me much, other than giving me a handful of orders and trying desperately to get into my pants.

 [05:04] AA: If you're me, whether from the future or an Alternate Timeline or whatever, why would you attack the kids? Why kill Ryspor? What could possibly make any Sami willing to do that?

 [05:04] AA: Ryspor was my friend! And he had every right to be mad at me for what I did to Thiago. I was dealing with it! We could've kept him safe, even if he never forgave me.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:05] BB: Do you really expect me to give you a straight answer?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:05] AA: I was kind of hoping! God, no one gives me straight answers. Not the Twinks, not Cocytus, not Lily, not even my friends. I was kind of hoping that I could at least be straight with myself!

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:06] BB: But you can't. Or I wouldn't be here.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:06] AA: And now you've set me up to have to be this tyrannical ruler over the session and I have no idea how I'm supposed to handle things from here.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:07] BB: Don't worry. It seams Maenam is happy to take over for you.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:07] AA: Maenam?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:07] AA: Seriously?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:08] AA: I....I mean I had wanted to talk with her about it before I made my move anyway, but I didn't think she would seriously ever want to lead.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:08] AA: It never seemed like a priority for her.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:08] AA: Half the time I forget she's even a princess.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:09] BB: We always overlook the truth of our compatriots when it is inconvenient to getting what we want.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:09] AA: And what do I want?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:10] AA: That's a serious question, by the way. Not some snarky bullshit.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:10] AA: I'm so lost right now I'm not even sure if I know who I am anymore.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:10] AA: Especially seeing you, and how you're acting.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:11] BB: You are blind to the truth, desperately clinging to our niavete as if it were a shield that could protect you from the death spiral you started.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:12] AA: Well then help open my eyes. I don't want to be naive anymore. I just want to fix things.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:13] BB: You can't.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:13] AA: Bullshit. If you really are from the future, you wouldn't be here if you really believed things couldn't be fixed.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:13] AA: There's something you came back to do.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:14] BB: Who said I was from the future.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:14] AA: Okay, fine. Wherever you're from then. You came here for a reason.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:14] AA: And you started interfering for a reason.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:15] AA: You killed Ryspor. And I'm sure it wasn't just because you thought it would be fun.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:15] AA: And you made sure I would take the blame for it, and not be able to escape it.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:15] BB: I didn't kill Ryspor.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:15] BB: Aoyama did

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:15] AA: Who?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:16] BB: You just caused his body to discorporate.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:16] AA: What do you mean *I* did?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:16] BB: Don't you know what happened on the land of Blossoms and Silence?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:16] BB: When it was called Blossoms and Enka?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:16] AA: I know he got made into some sort of weird genie guy.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:16] BB: What kind of leader do you intend to be when you don't even know what happens on the lands.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:17] AA: I'm still working on that! I haven't got an information network in place yet.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:17] AA: And I don't think we have to worry much about me being leader after your stunt last night.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:17] AA: Especially since you seem to think Maenam's going to take over now.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:17] AA: ...you're not really going to kill anyone, are you?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:17] AA: That was just like....to set me up, right?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:18] BB: What do you think?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:18] AA: I don't know. If you were me from the future I could at least depend on knowing who you used to be, to know what I would never do.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:18] AA: But if you're some alternate timeline me, for all I know you're a complete stranger with the same name as me.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:18] AA: And apparently spooky Eldritch Painting powers.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:19] AA: According to the Derse kids.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:23] AA: Or heck, if you were telling them the truth and Thiago really did create you somehow, I have no idea what you would be then.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:23] AA: Or why he would make another me.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:23] BB: These are all questions you already know the answer to

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:23] BB: You're just too niave to let yourself realize it

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:24] AA: Yeah, well I don't WANT to be naive anymore. I'm fine with "throwing away my shield" or whatever. I just don't know how to.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:25] AA: Like okay. "Thiago made me" could mean a lot of things. It could mean he did the Hope-y thing he did on Acenia or whatever it is Libby said he did to make the other Acenia, but it could also mean that you became who you are because of my guilt over what I did to Thiago.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:26] AA: If I'm clinging to naivety, assuming it was Thiago making you via the Hope-y thing would absolve me of some of the responsibility of your actions. So....I'm leaning more toward the second thing. Or something like it.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:27] AA: So I think whatever you are, I'm culpable for your actions somehow. Regardless of the hows and whys.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:27] AA: Is Mari right? Am I losing my mind? Am I just sitting here typing into Notepad or something and having both sides of this conversation?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:28] BB: In a sense.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:29] AA: So you're not "another me."

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:29] AA: You're just me. Some side of me I don't want to admit exists.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:29] AA: You're Tyler Durden.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:30] BB: Perhaps

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:30] AA: So....I attacked the kids on Derse. To keep them from finding out about Thiago.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:31] AA: Or maybe just to spook them into seeing me as dangerous enough that they would have to follow me.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:31] AA: Since if you *are* a part of me, keeping my actions secret don't seem to be a big goal of yours.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:32] AA: Or....of mine? I guess?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:33] AA: God. Is this what things were like for Balish?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:34] BB: how would you know

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:34] AA: It was rhetorical.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:36] AA: Wait. No, hold on. The Tyler Durden situation doesn't really make sense.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:36] AA: From the way they were describing you on Derse, you're WAY more powerful than me.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:36] AA: I'm strong, but I couldn't take on that many players at once so effortlessly.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:37] AA: The way they were describing you, you were throwing around high powered Breath majjykks on a level to what Cocytus used to kill me.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:38] BB: You really need to learn to believe in yourself.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:40] AA: I believe in myself just fine. But I know my limits. I'm not as strong as Nate, or Rilset, or Kate. I'm a mid-tier power. I use my powers in clever and versatile ways that they can't match sometimes, but I'm not as strong enough to take on a whole team of players at once.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:41] AA: And my biggest strengths come from my friends....and I think I've probably lost almost all of them now, thanks to what you or I or we or whatever did.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:45] BB: Still too niave

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:45] BB: maybe it's better this way

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:47] AA: It's hard for me to imagine anything about the situation I'm in now being "better" than any other situation.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:48] AA: So what. You're saying I'm stronger than I think I am? That I've been holding back all this time for....unknown reasons?

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:49] AA: I mean I admit I've not wanted to do some of the nasty stuff I could do with Breath for fear of hurting people.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:49] AA: But my character sheet still says my Breath is only at +5.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:55] AA: So even if I stopped holding back on WHAT I wanted to do, I don't think if you were just another side of me, you would be able to enforce your "Death to the disloyal" edict on people like Nate or Rilset.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:55] AA: Not without Grimdarking.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:56] AA: And unless you have a better understanding of what the Horrorterrors are after than I do, Grimdarking is a crapshoot.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:58] BB: You still expect an explanation

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;"> [05:58] BB: You will never get one